It’s difficult to be pregnant if your partner doesn’t want to be a parent. You love your partner, but the two of you may have different plans for the future. You realize that you want to continue your pregnancy, but your partner isn’t ready to be a parent yet.
Now you’re wondering what to do. Should you try to convince your partner to parent with you? Should you have an abortion believing it will save your relationship? Or maybe you’ve considered parenting even if your partner won’t do it with you.
It’s a tough predicament, but the information here will provide you with the clarity you need right now.
What To Do if My Partner Doesn’t Want To Be a Parent
Here are a few tips to help you know what to do and what not to do if your partner has a different opinion about your pregnancy and parenting.
1. Don’t try to convince your partner to be a parent.
It’s understandable to want your partner to be on the same page as you regarding your pregnancy. However, pressuring another person is an unhealthy relationship dynamic that’s best to avoid altogether.
Think about how you feel when someone tries to persuade you to do something you don’t want to do. In that moment, does the relationship feel loving or unsafe? If your partner is pressuring you to have an abortion, you can understand how this negatively affects you and your relationship.
Consider possible outcomes if you could use your persuasion skills to convince your partner to be a parent. For example, he could be inclined to blame you whenever parenting gets difficult. Or he could go along with what you want because he doesn’t know how to handle conflict and then resent you later.
It’s best to avoid these possible scenarios by giving your partner space to process his feelings about parenting and arrive at his own conclusion. Then, even if his final answer isn’t what you want to hear, you have valuable truth.
If he changes his mind and decides to be a parent, it’s because he did his own soul searching and not because he felt backed into a corner. He can take responsibility for his decision rather than blame you for it.
But what if he insists that he doesn’t want to be a parent and pressures you to have an abortion?
2. Know that you can’t save your relationship by having an abortion.
Each year, thousands of women give in to their partner’s pressure to have an abortion, and their partners leave them anyway — leaving them feeling crushed.
This is a hard reality, but one that’s important to know if you want to continue your pregnancy but you’re considering abortion because your partner doesn’t want to be a parent.
If you’re pressured into having an abortion, your chances of suffering significant emotional side effects afterward increase exponentially [1]. The emotional impact post-abortion can have include:
- Grief and loss
- Sadness
- Regret
- Shame
- Guilt
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Suicidal thoughts
Ask yourself this challenging question: Is it really best for you to save a relationship with someone who puts their desires before yours — particularly when it comes to something that would affect your life as profoundly as ending a pregnancy that you want?
All relationships experience stressors, and an unexpected pregnancy is one of them. If you want to continue your pregnancy but your partner is angry, controlling, or subtly manipulating you into an abortion because he isn’t ready to be a parent, accept this situation as an opportunity to expose your partner’s character.
You are valuable, and your viewpoint is also valuable. Don’t give anyone else the power to prevent you from trusting your gut about your pregnancy.
You can consider examining your options together with an unbiased professional but you need to move forward with your own pregnancy decision.
3. Examine your options together with a healthcare professional.
There are trustworthy pregnancy medical clinics with professionals who will sit down with you and your partner and help you examine all aspects of each of your pregnancy options [2]. They are passionate about offering you accurate information to help you move forward on to your next steps.
So how can you know if a medical clinic is trustworthy? Here are some signs:
- The environment feels safe to express your fears because the staff is experienced and skilled.
- You aren’t judged.
- The staff is compassionate towards couples who are facing unplanned pregnancies.
- The staff is includes licensed healthcare professionals.
- The clinic does not financially benefit from the decision you make about your pregnancy.
A trustworthy clinic will not only answer questions about each of your pregnancy options of parenting, adoption, and abortion in detail, but they will also offer you information about helpful community resources.
After you have the information you need, the decision about how to move forward with your pregnancy is yours and no one else’s.
4. Make your own pregnancy decision.
Advice to make your own pregnancy decision apart from your partner may sound selfish at first glance, but it isn’t. You are the one who bears the burden of your pregnancy decision. You are the one who cannot walk away.
It is not selfish to protect yourself and your physical and emotional health – it’s wise. Research reveals that women who feel pressured into their abortions are at higher risk of post-traumatic stress and more risk of experiencing physical problems [3].
Pregnancy Care Clinic Is Available to Help You
You don’t have to figure out a challenging pregnancy situation alone. Pregnancy Care Clinic is your trusted source for support. If you aren’t sure what to do if your partner doesn’t want to be a parent, we can help you.
We care about equipping and empowering you to make the best decision for your life. We offer confidential services that we will never charge you or your insurance for.
Contact Pregnancy Care Clinic today for an appointment where you can get all your questions answered accurately.
Resources:
[1] Reardon, D. C. (2018, October 29). The abortion and mental health controversy: A comprehensive literature review of common ground agreements, disagreements, actionable recommendations, and research opportunities. SAGE open medicine. Retrieved September 26, 2021, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6207970/.
[2] American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. (2021, September). Pregnancy choices: Raising the baby, adoption, and abortion. ACOG. Retrieved September 28, 2021, from https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/pregnancy-choices-raising-the-baby-adoption-and-abortion?utm_source=redirect&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=otn.
[3] Long-Lasting Distress after Abortion. Retrieved October 26, 2021 https://www.scstatehouse.gov/CommitteeInfo/SenateMedicalAffairsCommittee/Shuping%20Long-lasting%20Distress%20after%20Abortion.pdf
